Day of Hope

Today is a national Day of Hope, a day set aside to celebrate and remember ALL babies, primarily those lost before they could be born. I will always remember my four lost babies, especially when I look into their sister's face. 

But, when I should've lost all hope, I have gained it instead.

"Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end."

I'm not strong enough

We will hold you one day

I'm tired of writing posts like these

Tomorrow, I go into surgery. It's another D&E for my 4th miscarriage. 

Currently, I am 9.5 weeks pregnant (was due March 4 [Selah's original due date!]). At ultrasound a few days ago, sack measured 7.5 weeks, but baby only measured 6 weeks. My dates are correct. I am positive. No longer had a heartbeat. This baby failed to continue growing properly. 

Again.

So, yeah. D&E tomorrow. Same deal as November. I'll go into surgery with (misguided) hopes still in mind and I'll wakeup without that hope. 

I'm tired, emotionally and physically, of this. So tired. 

Selah really was my miracle child.

RIP Old Computer

If you've been wondering where I am, just know that I'm alive and well. However, my computer can't say the same thing. Let's just say this: the blue screen of death came and I was lucky to put the old guy on life support long enough to rescue the last year's worth of my pictures of Selah. I don't know what I'd do if I had lost those...

I'm trying to get used to using our desktop for my computing needs such as blogging (fb, twitter and Pinterest are safe since I do those on my phone anyways), but it's hard to sit down in front of it while Selah wrangling. I'll try to update using this Blogger App to keep you guys up to speed while I work on my latest project: a movie/video done on my iPhone. :)

I can do it. I know I can!

This is how I feel about cooking

Beauty can even be found in the most unexpected places