Who I am here.. or is it Who am I here?

Since D-blog Week (diabetes blog week) is over and I gained some new followers during that time, I felt it may be a good idea to explain what this blog is about.

But first! Aren't you excited that I actually finished something that I started? I know. Seriously, it is a rare occurrence. BUT I did it and I'm super proud.

Ok. Back on the topic.

I am not a diabetes blogger, but I am a blogger with (type 1) diabetes. I am not a pregnancy loss blogger, but I am a blogger who has had a miscarriage. I am not (only) a religious Christian blogger, but I am a blogger who is Christian (and you aren't going to change my mind). I am not a craft blogger, but a blogger who can be crafty. I am not a marriage blogger, but a blogger who is married. I am not a military blogger, but I am a blogger who has several friends and family members (including husband) who have served our country (and some who still are). I am not a political blogger, but... Yeah. I will more than likely not blog about politics. I am not an activist blogger, but I am a blogger with passions. My blog is more like a stew or soup. A big hot mess of all of the above, plus a few extras thrown in. :)

Like my description says: "I'm a daughter, a sister, a niece, a granddaughter, an aunt, a wife and a friend. I am a lover, not a fighter. I'm a dreamer, not a planner. I am a believer, not a doubter. I make love, not war."

Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be. And if you give a d#*n, take me, baby. Or leave me. (10 points if you can name the song and where it's from. [I am keeping track... lol])

Still love you guys. :)

What I've learned...

What we’ve learned - Sunday 5/15: Last year, Wendy of Candy Hearts made a suggestion for this year.  She commented “I think Day 7 should be a post about stuff we've learned from other blogs or the experience of coming together online...”  Today, let’s do just that!!  What have you learned from other blogs - either this week or since finding the D-OC?  What has your experience of blogging the DBlog Week topics with other participants been like?  What has finding the D-OC done for you?  If you'd like, you can even look ahead and tell us what you think the future holds!

 This will be short and sweet, especially since it is also a Sunday and the Timmy had some drumming to do at church today. That means we have to be at the church at 7am until 1230pm (or later). So yeah. On with the show!

What I've learned since actually participating (and completing!!!!!) D-blog week this year is I am not alone. Whether it is a fellow T1 diabetic or a mama/papa of a T1. A person directly affected by diabetes or just a friend/family member who is only affected by diabetes because they love me. I am not alone. My thoughts are the same thoughts of others. My worries are the same worries of someone else. My health and happiness are also a concern of some very caring people out there. I am not alone. If I could just communicate this in a letter to little Beth like I did on Day 2, I would tell her that she isn't alone. She isn't ever alone. As long as she opens her eyes (and heart), she will see this.

So thank you guys. Thank you for showing me that in my crazy isolated world, I am not alone. And I love each and every one of you.

Snapshots of the inner workings of the purse of a diabetic

Saturday snapshots - Saturday 5/14: Today is the only day I’ve brought back a fun topic from last year.  Inspired by the Diabetes 365 project, let’s snap a few more d-related pictures and share them again.  Post as many or as few as you’d like.  Be creative!  Feel free to blog your thoughts on or explanations of your pictures.  Or leave out the written words and let the pictures speak for themselves.

When I think about taking pictures of myself and putting them on my blog, I feel like this:

Me? Really? Yeah... About that...

So I'm going to show you guys what diabetic supplies and necessities I carry in my purse on a daily basis.

Clockwise from top left:

One Touch Ultramini (Pink meter in case with strips and poker thing)
In case there is also a couple of dollars for emergency low juice purchases or emergency high water purchases, extra lancet or two. Attached to case is a glucose tablet key chain. Sometimes I will just grab this and go with it for super quick trips. I've managed to be able to use this as a wallet in those cases. Also in this case are used test strips.

Prescription for new glasses.
My last eye visit was a couple of months ago and I still haven't found acceptable glasses worth me spending my money.

Emergency pump supplies
The white and pink bag usually contains what I'd need for an emergency insulin pump change. There is an infusion set, reservoir (not pictured), insulin and the thing that helps me insert the new site (the blue thing). I also have a sealed needle in there, just in case. Oh! And an unopened canister of test strips.

Rogue test strip.

Low savers
In the blue/purple and white bag (Target freebie... what what!), I keep glucose tabs (two tubes) and various snacks. It looks like, right now, I have a Clif Bar (White Chocolate Macadamia... Yum!), a granola bar and some fruit snacks. While the snacks may vary, I always have the tubes of glucose tablets.

Hand sanitizer.
I need it more than I think.

I just noticed that my extra batteries are missing from the picture. I need to double check if they are just loose in the purse or if I need to replace them.

Everything put away waiting to be put back in the purse.

Just imagine what I'd have to pack for a vacation that lasts more than a day or so in medical supplies alone! I miss being able to use a small purse.

Well, that's about it for my snapshot Saturday for D-Blog week! While this was fun, I doubt that I'd do it more than every so often. But, alas, I enjoyed showing you some of what I carry in my large purse. I also have a book at any given time! I love books.

This girl is such a nerd.

Life with Diabetes isn't ALL bad

Awesome things - Friday 5/13: In February the #dsma blog carnival challenged us to write about the most awesome thing we’d done DESPITE diabetes.  Today let’s put a twist on that topic and focus on the good things diabetes has brought us.  What awesome thing have you (or your child) done BECAUSE of diabetes?  After all, like my blog header says, life with diabetes isn’t all bad!

 If you've read my blog the last few days, you'd probably think life with diabetes is completely horrible. While it's definitely not all rainbows and unicorns, it's also not all bad.

For example, diabetes has taught me not to take things (and people) for granted. I've come so close to dying more than once because of diabetes, but I didn't. (obviously) Without those unfortunate reminders of my mortality, it probably would be like most other twenty-somethings out there, thinking I could live forever. I know I can't. Like I said, I've been close to it before and it is not fun. So I try to not live with regrets. I help out people to the best of my ability. I tell people when they've done a good job. I never go to sleep or say goodbye without telling my husband that I love him, even though it annoys him too no end (Seriously, T. Why?). I will tell you that I think you are awesome. You may doubt it, but you are awesome to me. I'm not going to die (hopefully, not any time soon!) without all of the wonderful people in my life knowing how much I appreciate them.

It is hard at times to find the positivity in hard situations. Diabetes (while being a pain in my fill-in-the blank) showed me to not take things for granted. Our heartbreaking miscarriage has taught me to appreciate a baby even more when we are finally blessed with one. God does things for a reason.

10 things I hate about Diabeetus

Ten things I hate about you, Diabetes - Thursday 5/12: Having a positive attitude is important . . . but let’s face it, diabetes isn’t all sunshine and roses (or glitter and unicorns, for that matter).  So today let’s vent by listing ten things about diabetes that we hate.  Make them funny, make them sarcastic, make them serious, make them anything you want them to be!!

1. Dealing with doctors and stubborn insurance companies

2. Amount of supplies I need at any given time to survive. Don't even get me started on traveling with said supplies!

3. Juice boxes or glucose tablets to treat a low with freshly brushed teeth. Think OJ and toothpaste combo.

4. Fear of long term complications

5. Fear of not waking up.

6. Fear of complications to my unborn children (if complications don't prevent them to begin with)

7. All of the planning. I'd like to be spontaneous too.

8. Workouts that equal a low blood sugar that requires food with calories equal or greater than calories burned to bring it up and keep up. Almost defeats the purpose, no?

9. Not being able to enjoy the luxuriousness of certain fabrics because my finger tips are too rough and calloused, causing them to catch. Same thing with stroking the skin of a newborn baby. :(

10. You took away my pizza, ice cream, Italian food and certain other favorites, diabetes. Sure, I can still eat them if I choose to, but it's such a hassle and usually makes me feel bad for hours afterward. It's easier sometimes to just say I don't like it...

Diabetes bloopers

Diabetes bloopers - Wednesday 5/11: Whether you or your loved one are newly diagnosed or have been dealing with diabetes for a while, you probably realize that things can (and will) go wrong.  But sometimes the things that go wrong aren’t stressful - instead sometimes they are downright funny!  Go ahead and share your Diabetes Blooper - your “I can’t believe I did that" moment - your big “D-oh” - and let’s all have a good laugh together!!

 It's not really a blooper so much as a pain in the neck moment.

After I test my blood sugar, I usually stick my used test strip in a pocket of my meter's case to throw away later. Needless to say, the strips tend to gather a long time before I clean the pocket out. Well, one time, I was walking around a semi nice store with my husband and I started feeling low. (here comes mistake one) I decide that I can test my blood sugar (BS) while walking around with my husband. This is a feat that I can pull off normally, but not so much if I'm low. My BS was 47, much too low. Especially much too low to be trying to balance a meter and case while testing BS without much pause in walking. Especially if this meter's case had a pocket that needed to be emptied of used test strips. You see where this is going. My clumsy low hands fumbled the case, accidentally dumping used strips all over the floor of this somewhat nice store. And, when I went to try to pick up the (what seemed like) hundreds of strips, my shaky low fingers had a lot of difficultly picking up those teeny tiny strips. I guarantee some got left behind. I somehow leave a trail anyways.

As I was just reading this, it's making me wonder where my husband was during this. He was in there with me, so I wonder if I was so focused on the situation that I blocked his presence out or if he had gone to the bathroom or something during my fiasco. Huh.

Letter Writing Day

Letter writing day - Tuesday 5/10: In February the Wego Blog Carnival asked participants to write letters to their condition.  You can write a letter to diabetes if you’d like, but we can also take it one step further.  How about writing a letter to a fictional (or not so fictional) endocrinologist telling the doctor what you love (or not) about them.  How about a letter to a pretend (or again, not so pretend) meter or pump company telling them of the device of your dreams?  Maybe you’d like to write a letter to your child with diabetes.  Or a letter from your adult self to the d-child you were.  Whomever you choose as a recipient, today is the day to tell them what you are feeling.

 Dear little Beth,

Yeah. Having diabetes sucks. Yeah. You are having to grow up pretty quick. Yeah. You are going to feel different from your friends and family. But you know what? There WILL come a day when you eagerly tell people about your life with diabetes. There will come a time when you won't be embarrassed about being different and you embrace your uniqueness. Please, little Beth, don't wait too long. Please take your insulin, even though it may hurt. Please check your blood sugar, even though it is a "hassle". Please don't ignore that you have diabetes so you fit in more. Please try to be open to making more friends with diabetes. They will be your support.

If you don't, there will be a day that you wonder if your past decisions are the cause of your current heartache and you won't have any way to change it. So please please please. Pretty please. Pretty please with a cherry on top. Please don't ignore diabetes to fit in better or for your own comfort and ease. Your future is counting on you.

I love you, little Beth, even if you don't.
"Adult" Beth

PS  Don't worry about what those other people think. The people who matter will love you for who you are.

PPS  If there is a chance of rain, wear a raincoat.

Admiring our differences

Diabetes Blog Week Day 1: We are all diabetes bloggers, but we come from many different perspectives.  Last year, Diabetes Blog Week opened my eyes to all of the different kinds of blogs (and bloggers) out there – Type 1s, Type 2s, LADAs, parents of kids with diabetes, spouses of adults with diabetes and so on.  Today let’s talk about how great it is to learn from the perspectives of those unlike us!  Have you learned new things from your T2 friends?  Are D-Parents your heroes?  Do LADA blogs give you insight to another diagnosis story?  Do T1s who’ve lived well with diabetes since childhood give you hope?  Pick a type of blogger who is different from you and tell us why they inspire you - why you admire them - why it’s great that we are all the same but different!!

 I have no idea how the D-Parents (parents of a diabetic) do it. I mean, I know how I feel at any given time and I generally know what I need to do to make myself feel better. D-Parents who are taking care of sometimes very young children? Wow. How do you guys even know what to do? Hospital education only goes so far. Most of diabetes (in my opinion) is knowing how you are feeling. Sure, blood sugar tests are good for knowing the exact(ish) number you are at, but I know how I feel in between tests. You don't know how your children feel. I know if I feel crummy and won't really feel like consuming much food (or consuming a lot of food!). You d-parents out there have to just guess. You guys don't know if your child is refusing to eat because of the d or because of being a kid. I understand that certain things have to be done or else I will die. How do you guys get your kids to understand that while giving them as normal of a childhood as possible? You guys must have a sixth sense for diabetes knowledge and understanding for your child.

I think you d-parents are total rock stars. :)

Coming soon...

I semi-participated last year and I'm going to try to participate fully this year. Bring. It. On. :)

My biggest supporter(s)

... and I'm not talking about my bra here. It's day three (plus a month or so) of Diabetes Blog Week and this is about my biggest supporter when it comes to diabetes care. And I have several.

When I was diagnosed until even now at times, my biggest supporter was most definitely my wonderful mother. She was the one who made sure I had medicine and food and she was the one to drive me to the hospital the few times I've had to go. This woman was the one who took of work when I was in high school to drive to my school when I wouldn't (couldn't) leave for lunch, due to low blood sugar. That was the time I was so out of it that I hit her, scratched her, spit juice/soda all over her, etc. She ignored that nastiness because she knew I needed her and I needed the sugar she was trying to give me. My mother has given me life more times than I can count.



My current biggest supporter would be my adorable husband. Timmy knows what I am feeling before I can even tell him. He will jump up and grab whatever I need to help raise low blood sugars. He stays awake with me when my blood sugar drops at night to make sure I am safe, even when he has to wake up at 4 or 5 am. He's the one who loves me when I'm crabby and when I'm weak. He loves me when I'm high and low and all that's in between. I am certainly lucky that I have him.

My biggest four legged supporter is Izzie, my CGMS (Chorkie Glucose Monitoring System). She barks to wake me up in the middle of the night to alert me to low blood sugars, then continues to bark until the Timmy wakes up. If I'm low, she follows me until she knows I am safe. If I'm high, she'll sit and stare at me until help arrives. She is my best friend and I am hers.

Doesn't she look good in a sombrero? :)

Going low

Day two of last month's Diabetes Blog Week: Making the low go

I hate low blood sugar. Hate hate hate it. And, unfortunately, I have been experiencing it on a semi-regular basis recently. When it hits me, it can hit hard. Seeing numbers in the 40's or 50's isn't so unusual for me and one day recently, I hit 29. Yikes! :(

I keep snacks in my purse at all times and I always have trusty glucose tablets. They may have a nasty chalky taste (If you ever meet me, ask and I'll let you try one), but they get the job done quickly. I also try to keep juice boxes made for toddlers around. They have the perfect amount of carbs to raise that low.

Of course, this doesn't mean I'll refuse a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup or a Crunchie. I love those things. :)

A day in the life of this diabetic

In fact, this is a mixed and mashed together bits of several actual days to start my month late participation in Diabetes blog week.

I woke up with blood sugar a little high. Extra insulin needed! Oh boy! This is not what I need today. I'm running late and will be sitting in a class for several hours. High blood sugar and the accompanying extreme thirst and frequent urination will NOT do. I'll just skip ahead to the insulin pump site change.

Dressed, fed and site change done, we walk out of the door. As I get in the car, my purse gets snagged on the seat and hits my stomach and a sharp pain rips my skin. Shoot. The new site got ripped out by my purse hitting my stomach for a split second. I run inside to change the site again. As I lift my shirt, I see blood running down from where my site just got ripped from my stomach. Great. I apply pressure to the bleeding spot as I change the new site to a newer site. Luckily, I add in cushion time when I have to be somewhere. We arrived right on time and my blood sugar stabilized.

Later, I start to feel funny in the class. I feel weak. I feel tingly. My brain starts to feel foggy. I can't focus on what the pastor is saying. I motion to the Timmy that I feel off and I need to test.

I test right there in my seat in the middle of the class's circle of chairs. 45. Not good. I show Timmy and he gets up and grabs me something to eat from the snack table and I pop a couple of glucose tablets into my mouth. Within a few minutes, I feel better. No one else seemed to notice our mini emergency as we took care of it. I don't know if I should be proud of my stealth mode of handling things or if I should be worried that I don't let people know I am in need of help. Thank goodness for my Timmy.