Recent events combined with the fact that my eye is much, much worse than when I wrote this is making me just want to cry. And cry, I did. The husband doesn't understand. Other people can't understand. This means more to me than most will understand.
The eye is completely blurry now. I can't even see the computer screen with it, just the light from the monitor. Nighttime vision in the eye is horrible. Without a bright flashlight at night, I can't even go to my daughter's side to help her. I'm constantly dizzy from the uneven vision. I constantly have a headache from it, too. My favorite hobbies, reading and art, have been taken away without the vision. I have a doctor's appointment next week to see if the more serious surgery will help. Hopefully it will.
I'm losing hope. :(
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
I always said I'd give my right eye to be a mother...
... And I may have.
The night before my scheduled C Section, a blood vessel in my right eye burst. The stress of pregnancy on my type 1 diabetic body was almost too much. It quickly (and by quickly, I mean quickly. It wasn't even there at an eye appointment in September) progressed diabetic retinopathy in my eyes. The retinopathy caused a blood vessel to burst. Retinopathy that shouldn't have happened since I spent my pregnancy with my A1Cs between %.8 and 6.5. I've spent my daughter's entire life without the ability to see her clearly (or even close to it) out of my right eye.
On March 22nd, I had a procedure involving lasers done to my eye to hopefully fix a good bit of the problem. Thousands of shots from the laser to my eye later, I have lost peripheral in my right eye. I can see light and color, but I can hardly make out specific shapes (One of the reasons I haven't been blogging much recently). Some days are better than others and things are clearer, but it may possibly be permanent. It may get worse. I may go blind sooner than later.
It may make it where I am unable to have more children, due to possible worsening of the condition of my eyes. Children that I want to fill my house with. Sibling(s) for Selah. Children that are in my heart and I'm desperate to someday have in my arms. I pray to God regularly to heal my eyes. I pray to God that I can someday have another child. I even pray to Him using the names we've already picked for #2. I know that He has His plans, but I desperately hope that those plans include baby ES or JD. I was meant to be a mother and I have oh so much more room in my heart for the children yet to be.
But, you know what? If Selah is the only child for me, I would be eternally grateful for that. I'd give my right eye for her over and over if it meant she would be in my life.
The night before my scheduled C Section, a blood vessel in my right eye burst. The stress of pregnancy on my type 1 diabetic body was almost too much. It quickly (and by quickly, I mean quickly. It wasn't even there at an eye appointment in September) progressed diabetic retinopathy in my eyes. The retinopathy caused a blood vessel to burst. Retinopathy that shouldn't have happened since I spent my pregnancy with my A1Cs between %.8 and 6.5. I've spent my daughter's entire life without the ability to see her clearly (or even close to it) out of my right eye.
On March 22nd, I had a procedure involving lasers done to my eye to hopefully fix a good bit of the problem. Thousands of shots from the laser to my eye later, I have lost peripheral in my right eye. I can see light and color, but I can hardly make out specific shapes (One of the reasons I haven't been blogging much recently). Some days are better than others and things are clearer, but it may possibly be permanent. It may get worse. I may go blind sooner than later.
It may make it where I am unable to have more children, due to possible worsening of the condition of my eyes. Children that I want to fill my house with. Sibling(s) for Selah. Children that are in my heart and I'm desperate to someday have in my arms. I pray to God regularly to heal my eyes. I pray to God that I can someday have another child. I even pray to Him using the names we've already picked for #2. I know that He has His plans, but I desperately hope that those plans include baby ES or JD. I was meant to be a mother and I have oh so much more room in my heart for the children yet to be.
But, you know what? If Selah is the only child for me, I would be eternally grateful for that. I'd give my right eye for her over and over if it meant she would be in my life.
Monday, April 9, 2012
Selah's first Easter
...in pictures. Nothing really to say about it that the pictures can't say.
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| Selah wasn't so sure of this getting dressed up for her first Easter service, even though she rocked the church service itself. |
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| In her Easter "bonnet" |
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| My grumpy little Easter bunny |
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| Her "Easter basket" |
Sunday, April 8, 2012
It's not about a bunny and chocolate
It's about Jesus and what He did on the third day.
He rose from the grave!
He rose from the grave!
Friday, April 6, 2012
One whole month!
Happy one month, baby girl!
A post (or twenty [million]) dedicated to you coming soon. :)
A post (or twenty [million]) dedicated to you coming soon. :)
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Naming
I've had some questions as to how Selah got her name and what her name means, so I thought I'd be nice and address them!
As I wrote on a friend's blog a while back (yes, I wrote what "San Francisco"'s name was early):
There you have it. Pretty simple, huh? :)
As I wrote on a friend's blog a while back (yes, I wrote what "San Francisco"'s name was early):
Our little girl (due end of February/beginning of March) is going to be named Selah Faith. Selah is my husband's pick and it's from the Bible (Psalms). It means "stop and listen/give thanks" as in to give time for praise and thanks. Faith came from what I needed to have after our miscarriage and also during this pregnancy, with all of the pregnancy worries. Her full name together basically means to stop and give thanks to God for what He has given us.
There you have it. Pretty simple, huh? :)
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