Friday, January 24, 2014

Only 97

I did it. I let my thoughts go there. I assumed the worst because, hey, what reason do I have not to let my thoughts go in that direction?

I tested my (almost) 2 year old daughter's blood sugar, due to a quickly filled diaper.

Being diabetic has ruined my thoughts. Where most parents would say, "Hey. She has had a lot to drink today because of dehydrating meds and stubbornness of eating the solid foods placed in front of her, leading to a quicker emptying bladder.", I think "Omg. Omg. She's chugging liquid. A sign she has diabetes too! Her diaper has filled too too quickly. Frequent urination? Another sign! Omg. My baby has diabetes." Why must stupid diabetes force my mind into immediate assumptions?

So I did all I know to do (other than worry). I got out my blood sugar tester and pricked her tiny, unblemished fingertip. I squeezed out a drop of blood and put it on the strip, as she said "Ouch, mommy! Sugar, mommy? Ouch!" I waited that long agonizing 5 seconds for a result to pop up on the screen.

And I prayed.

I prayed that she wouldn't have diabetes this young. I prayed that she wouldn't ever have to understand first hand what I have to understand... to live. I prayed that the number that popped up on that screen would at least be between 90-120. I prayed. Oh, God. I prayed.

97. Her blood sugar (an after dinner one, at that) was only 97. Perfect. Not the extreme, telling high number I was fearing. Her drinking? Just because she was thirsty. Huh. Imagine that. Drinking to quench a normal thirst only and not to quench a high blood sugar induced thirst (yes. They are different.). And a wet diaper because she just had a lot to drink because of that previously mentioned normal thirst.

Not diabetes. Not my baby. Not this time.

Though this was the first time I've felt the need to act on these thoughts, I'm sure it won't be the last.

Damn you, diabetes.  We need a cure.