How can I make a difference?

I want to make a difference. I need to make a difference.

Virtues and education

What virtues do I value in myself? I... I... I don't know. I don't know what virtues I have. I try to make wise decisions. One of my New Year's resolutions was to avoid situations that make me someone I don't want to be: jealous, inebriated, unwholesome, frivolous, greedy, etc. I am striving to become someone that will make my husband, my family and, most importantly, God proud.

Right now, I am full of love for so many people; some I show on a regular basis, others I have in my heart and I need to work harder to show them that they are loved. I have hope that I will let my control issues go and learn to trust. And, what I believe is extremely valuable to me, I have faith. Faith in God, faith in others, faith in Timmy and faith in myself.

Such a smooth segue

I am a student. I am a student of life. Everyone is. My teacher is Jesus and our textbook is the Bible. I need to study the Book and learn different things my Teacher has to teach me. I'm most certainly aiming for a good grade to show I have learned the lessons that everyone needs to know. Right now, my lesson seems obvious to me. I need to, and am in the process of, learning patience.

Patience as the wife of the Timmy. I need to hold my temper. I need to let T help me more. I need to help him more. And I need to do it with a smile on my face, without sarcasm in my voice, without roughness in my actions. And the hardest type of patience right now: the wait to become a mother. It will happen. Someday. Somehow. But it might not be how I plan.

Because, honestly, it's not really my plan, is it?

I'm sorrrryyy. Sooo Sorrryyy.

Warning: This is going to be long. [that's what she said]

I've been gone. I haven't been updating with the daily Proverb 31 project. I haven't been letting anyone know I'm alive. Sorry.

I had a cold that lasted most of December that finally cleared up beginning of January. I was feeling better. Things were going well. Until the Timmy got sick. It was, presumably, just a cold, but still sick. I felt badly for him since he rarely gets colds, so I tried taking care of him. You can probably see where this led: I got his cold. Less than a month after getting over one cold, I caught another and this one kicked me in the butt. Completely stuffed nose, coughing, unpredictable blood sugars which lead to a slight fever on Saturday and wheezing/trouble breathing most of the weekend. I could hardly read. I'd start to read and, a few pages in, I'd fall asleep. Not like me at all. It's cleared up a great deal, but I'm still coughing a bunch.

So, you see, blog updating wasn't at the top of my list of things to accomplish. I owe you guys (is there anyone out there [still] reading my blog?) a boat load of blog entries. A lot, a lot, a lot has been happening.

• Saturday, T and I helped our church clean up from Room in the Inn. I met some homeless men and women there, some of whom I would have never thought were homeless if I had met them on the street. That was my first time I had met a homeless person. I never knew I had these misconceptions and stereotypes until my eyes were opened. One lady there was taking her time getting ready to go and I kept thinking "Hurry up, lady. I'm tired and I just want to clean this place up so I can go." I immediately felt guilty for being so selfish and tried to think about it from her view. Sure, she was holding up everybody, but she was inside. It was warm. There was shelter from the weather. There was a soft place to sit, caring people around that wouldn't hurt her, and where was she going to go? Outside where it was cold (even though the weather Saturday was unseasonably warm and comfortable. How was she to know that at 6:30 in the morning when it was 25 deg F out?). She wasn't guaranteed a spot with the program for warm meals and a bed the following evening. Even now, writing this, my heart breaks for the trouble she deals with on a constant daily basis. Most of us take things we have for granted, always wanting better or more or what ever. We don't want what we have in the house for dinner, so we go out to eat. We have so much stuff that our homes feel teeny tiny, so we get a bigger house or apartment. Our car has a lot of miles and is a few years old, so we upgrade. We have an iPod and a new generation/design comes out, so we buy another. We want want want, but do we ever see what we have? Probably not.

• After we finished the clean up at the church from the previous night, T and I went to get breakfast at the wonderfully delicious Terrace Cafe, where Timmy got the much coveted (by me) Red Velvet Waffles.
  

• I found out that I'm going to be getting a new niece! She's 8 years old and her name is Taylor. How am I getting a new niece that is already 8? The Timmy's youngest sister D is getting married! They got engaged Friday night and I couldn't be more excited. D and her fiance will be such a cute little family with his daughter Taylor and her son Lucian. Hey. They could totally do a Yours, Mine and Ours type of thing. I'll wait until after the wedding to push for that "Ours" part of it. ;)

• I went to the endocrinologist last week. My A1C was 6.3, which isn't bad, but I want to do better. Doc says I am still free to reproduce with an A1C like that. In fact, he said that the miscarriage in December was NOT because of "poorly controlled diabetes". My last two A1C's show that I have the controlled needed; it was just an unfortunate thing that happened. Again, NOT related to me having Type 1 diabetes. That was a huge relief to me. I've been blaming myself for what happened and, of course, diabetes was a factor that I kept wondering about. I'm not through blaming myself yet, but it is comforting to know that diabetes shouldn't be hindering us from making our own crib midgets.
  

The weekend was full of other things as well, but not too much of new things. Just the same old. I will be typing another entry tonight after the Timmy leaves for work to help catch me up with the Proverb 31 challenge. I will be covering Days 9 and 10: What virtues do you value in yourself? and What is Jesus teaching you as a wife, mom, or friend? (Or just woman in general?)

See you again soon!