Now I know my ABCs, next time won't you sing with me

A. Age: 26

B. Bed size: Queen

C. Chore you dislike: Scooping the Ellie poop from the backyard

D. Dogs: Izzie the Chorkie and Ellie the Australian Shepherd-Black Lab mix

E. Essential start to your day: A slow wake up. If it's speedy, I'll probably be grumpy.

F. Favorite color: Yellow!

G. Gold or silver: Silver

H. Height: 5'6"

I. Instruments you play(ed): Viola & Cello

J. Job title: Starving artist without a muse

K. Kids: Sooner than later

L. Live: near Charlotte

M. Mom’s name: Sharon

N. Nicknames: Beth, Wifi, Bethen, Bethany, Bethel, Buff, Bef

O. Overnight hospital stays: DKA for the win! ...not

P. Pet peeves: People who correct grammar incorrectly

Q. Quote from a movie: "Inside my heart is breaking, my makeup may be flaking, but my smile. still. stays. onnnn" <----- 10 points if you can name the movie I am referencing (5 extra points if you can tell me the next line)

R. Righty or lefty: Right

S. Siblings: Two brothers (R&B), Two step-sisters (S&S), One step-brother (M), Four sister-in-laws (T, D, M & K)

T. Time you wake up: When my eyes open

U. Underwear: Ummm... Clean?

V. Vegetables you don’t like: I know it's a starch, but still: CORN! YUCK!

W.What makes you run late: Diabetes

X. X-rays you’ve had: Teeth, Chest, arm

Y. Yummy food you make: Takeout

Z. Zoo animal favorites: Penguin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Awkward is spelled with two Ws

I made a bad choice. No, it's nothing life threatening or anything, but it still was a bad choice.

I agreed to meet up with an old friend/ex-boyfriend/part of a family I cherish deeply and his girlfriend. In fact, I encouraged it. They were in town because his job may be transferring him her in the next few months and I found out. I said nonchalantly that the four of us should meet for dinner while they were here. I didn't even think twice. I've met him before for dinner before when he came to Charlotte, but I had never met his girlfriend and he, apparently, had never met T. His girlfriend was hesitant to meet me. Heck, I was her boyfriend's high school girlfriend. But I persisted. I said that she wouldn't be able to avoid me forever, even if they didn't move to town. Like I said, he is part of a family that I have been friends with for a long, long time and I don't plan on ending that friendship any time soon. She finally relented. The four of us went to dinner tonight and it seemed to go well, even though I had been tipped off that girlfriend was expecting that evening to "suck". I'm not sure how she actually feels the evening went yet. I'll find out within a day or so I suppose.

I, however, am kind of regretting it. It's not the meeting her part of it that is bugging me. It's how I callously did what I wanted without concern for other people's feelings, mainly T. That must have been so awkward for girlfriend and the Timmy. It would have been for me if I was meeting one of T's ex-girlfriends, especially if she had been a serious girlfriend at one point. Especially if she was still a friend of his. Especially if she was a tight friend of the family. How intimidating!

And there I went, jumping into a dinner with them, thinking it was no biggie. It very well could be a biggie, emotionally, for many (if not all) people involved. She was hesitant for her own reasons and I thought she was just being silly and hardheaded. She may have known the awkwardness that would be there. I like to plan things and situations out in my head. I should have seen this coming, but, alas, I didn't. And T may have suffered for my carelessness and lack of knowing. I hope not. :(

"Honey! That Beth has put up a new blahg!"

A lot of thoughts have been flying through my mind recently. I've thought of blog entries, like, 10 thousand times, but I just was too *fill in the blank* to sit down right then and write. My mind is such a jumble of gobblety-gook that I couldn't write a decent entry about any particular topic right now. Therefore, I'm just going to do a list of sorts. It will be random. It may be detailed or it may not be. It may be long or it may be short. You may find it interesting. You may not. No guarantees, but, honestly, you know you don't get guarantees from me. Well, except one. Honesty. I will guarantee you honesty.

Well, enough pre-rambling. On to the rambling main show!

• My Meg is coming! In how many days? 2 days! Yes! However, I choose this time to fix and clean those things around the house that I procrastinated doing, such as washing the big dog and painting our 3rd bedroom, and that keeps me away from blogging here as much as I would like. I know she won't care if I didn't do any of this, but I'm going to do it anyways.

• Speaking of painting, while I was painting, I kept thinking of my friend Airhead. Why? I don't know. Airhead, if you are reading this, is everything ok?

• I've been forcing myself to get back into the facebook. It's all part of my Lent resolution: to get rid of being jealous. First, I avoided facebook because of people and their prissy pants, negative attitude towards me. I then avoided facebook because, every time I got on, someone else was announcing their (usually unplanned) pregnancy or having babies. I was jealous. It hurt. I couldn't help, but to think that should be me. I know that was silly. Those babies did not replace the one we lost. I know that, but it just stung. It still does, but this avoiding jealous by thinking of reasons I am thankful helps. Going on facebook, in a weird way, helps me heal.

• I volunteer in our church nursery on the 3rd and 5th Sundays every month and I love it. I am in a room with 1-2 year olds (those who are walking, but not yet potty training). Some times it is hard, but this past weekend was the 3rd Sunday and I loved it. There was an extra cuddly little boy who would just scream unless I was holding him. Another woman tried holding him, but he wouldn't have it. Timmy tried to hold him, but, no, he just wanted me. Baby spent the entire hour cuddling in my arms and snuggling into my hold. It reminded me and showed me one of the reasons why I desperately want a baby of my own. I can't wait until next months nursery. Maybe I'll volunteer during one of the services the Timmy is drumming during. I'll be there anyways. :)

• Rant: I am NOT a little girl anymore, but that is all he seems to see/ think. He gets the news that the cancer is growing again, that the trial is not working (which I had to hear from my mother [His ex-wife!] who heard from my brothers). Why am I the LAST to hear anything? He called me yesterday and could have told me the news, but he wouldn't. He won't talk medical with me, but he will will my brothers. I am NOT a little girl and I deserve to hear firsthand what is going on. Please.

• My brother has gone back to the "sandbox" overseas with the Air National Guard. This is not his first, second or even third visit. He's been so many times and I'm terribly afraid that his luck will run out.......................................................................................................................................................  I didn't even get to say goodbye before he left. I didn't get to tell him I love him. He needs to come back. Safely. Please pray. 

•  I'm super tired of waiting. Days seem to be going by super slow, but the days that have passed went by too fast.

Well, I'm sure I have more to say, but T is complaining that I am spending too much time on the computer and not enough time paying attention to him. He's just using one of my complaints about him on me.

Later gators.