My first time...

...Winning an online giveaway!

Last week I entered this giveaway here for a pair of earrings from Hope's Gate and, a few days ago, I found out that I won! This was my very first time winning a giveaway and it came at the perfect time. If you've been reading, you know how earlier this week I was having a very rough day. Well, the announcement that I was a winner was the very next day. :)  Then, just yesterday, I went to the mailbox and there they were! What an excellent early birthday present for me!

How they arrived (from a padded envelope)

Better shot of the earrings

 The back of the earring placard says:

Hope's Story
When Teena was 12 she was sold into sexual slavery by a family member. After several years of enslavement she was finally rescued by the police and brought to a safe house. Our jewelry project is giving young women like Teena dignity and hope.

The earrings (and the other jewelry from Hope's Gate) are made by young women in India who have been rescued from human trafficking, sexual slavery and other horrible situations. If you are a follower that goes to church with me or if you have been following since Christmas, you may remember this. Our church raised a pretty penny at Christmas to donate to IJM (International Justice Mission [even though I always accidentally call it the International Justice League]). Causes that help rescue innocents from slavery, prostitution and violence is always worth helping. Everyone deserves safety. Everyone deserves love.

Needless to say, I am super glad to win these earrings and to spread the word of these causes. To purchase a pair for yourself or a loved one, you can go here. They have so many cute pairs!

Same? Same!

I had a endocrinologist appointment yesterday for le ol' diabeetus. I was slightly worried as time got closer to the appointment. I even asked my sunday school class to pray for no changes at this appointment. My mind was racing with all the "What if?"s.What if my a1c has shot up for some reason? What if the doctor says I've gained too much weight? (I seriously need to work on that.) What if my feet have lost feeling or my kidneys are going kaput? What if my blood pressure is too too too high? (This girl loves her salt.) What if???

But I had to go, as I do every 3-ish months. So I went.

The doctor said everything was the same! No changes! A1c is still 6.3. My weight is exactly the same as it was in January. Not that I don't want to lose some, but still no gain! Feet are still uber ticklish and kidneys still pumping (or filtering or whatever they do). Blood pressure is still on the low side of normal.

Can we get a hallelujah? Hallelujah! In case you were wondering, God does answer prayers. :)

Thank you for these things that make me smile #53-62

The negative feelings that I found within myself this weekend were not welcome to stay. To help banish them, I tried to find and remember those little things I am thankful for. In comes 1000 things/1000 gifts.


#53 Ciao Bella Key Lime Graham Gelato Squares

#54 Freedom to visit with friends for however long I need

#55 Purple dresses

#56 Melamine bowls in every color of the rainbow

#57 Knowing one of my birthday presents

#58 My husband on his new djembe

#59 The group of women I am guiding through a Beth Moore bible study on Esther

#60 Sleep

#61 Remembering that, in less than a month, I will be with my completely awesome OK family

#62 How I Met Your Mother


Ah. Yes. This list has made me feel better. :)

Winner winner! Chicken dinner!

I did a quiz two weeks ago asking for you guys to answer questions about me to see who knew me the best. The prize is/was a chance to write a guest blog here or a surprise in the mail. You had a week and I posted the answers last Tuesday. It took me longer than I like to let you know who the official winner was because of the blogger breakdown that happened during the week you guys had to give me your answers. Then blogger lost some answers!

But, luckily, blogger has restored the missing comments. Now I can officially say the winner is......

MEGIN!!!

Who is Megin? you may be asking. Why, she is my very best friend! It shouldn't surprise me that she knew so many of the answers. :) Now, Megin just needs to tell me which she'd prefer to win (*guestpostehm*).

Is anyone else interested in writing a guest post here? All topics are ok. Welllll..... Mostly.

*sigh*

It's hard to explain the last post without sounding like a heartless wench. A few things have happened so close together this weekend.

Let me start this by saying, I AM happy for everyone involved. It's just me. I am the broken one.

 I've even tried explain my feelings to the Timmy, but he says "it's been long enough". I "should be over it". It's not like I've been "oppressed". It makes me think that I really am the broken one. I should (always) be over it. Many people in the world DO have it worse than I do. But I still feel like this, and this weekend didn't help.

I saw a pregnant acquaintance Sunday that I've been avoiding and forced myself to make conversation. Sure, I could have avoided more or not even make conversation, but that's not who I want to be. She hasn't done anything to me and I genuinely want to be happy and excited for her. I am, but still. It hurts to see that when they weren't even trying.

But that wasn't the hardest part of my weekend.

I wrote a letter to someone in September. She has hurt me. She has said mean things to me. She has rubbed my face in what that letter was about, even after our loss. This was a big weekend for her, for them. And I am so happy that everything worked out for them and things went extremely well. I truly am. But, now I know for a fact, in a month, I'll be forced to see them and be around them and fake being happy, all while shattering inside. Again, T doesn't understand. He just doesn't understand and doesn't want to even try.

But that's not the hardest part of the weekend.

You long time readers know that I was in my friend's wedding in Florida the same weekend as our miscarriage. This is the same friend mentioned here and here. Well, she just got her wedding pictures back. They are now posted on facebook and the picture of me entering the ceremony, the morning after our night in the ER, learning we were more than likely having a miscarriage if it hadn't already happened at that point, well, that picture is tagged. Now I have to see a picture of myself during one of the hardest times in my life when I log on to facebook. The only way for me to untag myself is to go directly to the picture to do it and I just can't. I can't even look at the pictures from that weekend without bursting out in tears. I don't want to be like that about the wedding pictures of one of my best friend's happiest day. It's not her fault that it was also the saddest day of my life (so far).

That was the hardest part.

So all of this, plus remembering and knowing that I should be freaking huge by now because of a baby (and not because of food). If this is how hard it is right now, July will more than likely be unimaginably horrible. :(

So like I said before, prayers and good thoughts sent my way are (always) welcome.


*Positive things coming to this blog next*



UPDATE: Facebook officially deactivated. I just can't do it. Esp. after the husband just posted a status about one of the things I posted about above while at work! He doesn't even reply to important things I have to say and ask him while he's at work or ask me how I'm feeling if I'm feeling horrendously while he is there. But he can somehow post that. and it's not even a child that is related to him! He didn't even do that when his OWN NIECE was born, yet he posted about this baby while he is AT WORK. He even knew how upset I have been about this from the beginning. Whatever. Facebook is gone. For how long? I don't know. Contact me on here or through email (harper.elisabeth(at)gmail(dot)com) if you need me. In person or through phone also works.

I'm not doing too well tonight, mentally and emotionally. Perhaps just going to bed will help.

I'll explain more tomorrow, but, right now, I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest and being stomped on. Tears keep acting on their threats and I'm struggling to keep the smile on my face and in my words. This entire day was a struggle, but I made it until 8 this evening without anyone knowing.

If you pray, can you pray for me? Pray for this guilt I'm still feeling. Pray for healing of the mind, body and soul. Pray for me. If you don't know what's up, don't worry. God does.