Friday, February 18, 2011


When you read this, I will be in the middle of babysitting. This may be hard on me emotionally.

You see... I went over to their house for a pre-babysitting interview December 1. I was still freshly pregnant, thinking a baby this old, baby things like these, will be at my house this time next year. I was excited, giddy, hopeful. I knew babysitting baby M wouldn't be any problem. Heck, it'd be a bit of practice! The mom and I set up a date and time for me to come over to babysit after I got back from my friend's out of town wedding. It was going to be fun.

If you've been reading my blog, you know what happened at that wedding. I had a miscarriage. Everything I was preparing for was gone. That was tough alone, but I still had this mother depending on me to sit for her in a day or so. I didn't know how I was going to do it, but I was going to try. That morning, I woke up in the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I still tried to convince myself that I could still babysit that day. However, T told me that I shouldn't force myself. I was in pain, emotionally and physically, so I called the mom and told her I was sorry, but I was pretty sick and I didn't think I could make it to sit. I never told her what happened. I didn't know how. I hardly knew how to tell my own mother. I figured if M's mom had a problem with me canceling last minute, then I just would lose the chance of babysitting for them. So be it.

Then, two months pass and I get a phone call from her asking me if I was free to babysit for M while they went out for the dad's birthday. I said yes.

That's where I am right now. Babysitting and trying not to remember things that happened last time I tried to. God will definitely be with me tonight. He will be holding my hand and keeping me able to care for this beautiful little girl without me hurting too much. I know this, but could you pray for me, too?

1 comment:

  1. We will pray for you my dear. I am proud of you, it takes courage and strength to move past your fears and pains in this life. Most people wallow in it, therefore missing the blessings that come after the pain. There are always blessings that come after the pain; like there are rainbows after the rain. God will bless you my dear. But also remember that you are still grieving and there is no time limit to the grieving process. So of course we will pray for you. We love you guys so much!